Third Way Dispatch

Say it ain’t so, Joe.

OK, Joe, we know you love John McCain. We get it. We know you’re angry at the Democratic establishment. Fine. We know you really, really, really believe that Iraq is the central front on terror. Whatever. But Sarah Palin? A “reformer?” A “leader we can count on?”

Be honest with us for a moment. Let’s have a little straight talk, OK. Six days ago you couldn’t have picked Sarah Palin out of a police lineup. She was a total stranger to you and the rest of America. And now she’s a “reformer” and a “leader we can count on.” In poker, that’s called a “tell.”

From what little we now know about Palin, she is everything that the Joe Lieberman we used to respect once abhorred. She’s a relentless partisan climber. She’s a master manipulator of the wedge issue. She wanted to ban provocative books from the town library. Are you listening, Joe? “She wanted to ban books from the library! Of course, she opposes abortion in all circumstances and favors criminalization. She is not exactly a “compassionate conservative” when it comes to gays and lesbians. As far as Iraq, she hasn’t really been following it. We’re not entirely sure where she stands on the vital Alaska secession issue. God only knows what is going on in that family of hers. And just two weeks ago she sat blithely by as one of America’s foremost Jew haters – David Brickner – guest hosted at her church.

So why is Joe Lieberman praising this total stranger who shares absolutely nothing in common with the values that Joe previously extolled in 18 years in the Senate. Because Joe has pushed in the stack and he’s not exactly holding a pair of bullets. He’s got 4 awful years in the Senate if Obama wins. He will almost certainly be kicked out of the Democratic Caucus come January. He will not get reelected in his home state. He went back on his word to Harry Reid when he reneged on his promise not to skewer Obama at the convention (that’s called “lying,” Joe). And the Republicans don’t really want the guy either. This is not a party that loves pro-gay, pro-abortion, pro-spending, pro-gun control, pro-environment equivocators. But if McCain wins, he gets rescued. He gets a cabinet post – either Secretary of State or Defense where his liberal social views don’t matter.

So he’s stuck and desperate. He knows it. And the Republicans know it. He’s stuck between ambition and alienation. So that brings us to – gulp – Sarah Palin. The most unqualified political novice since Caligula’s horse. Someone whose views and profile become just a little bit more bizarre and alarming by the hour. But when you’re stuck, you swallow hard. And there was Joe on national television with a mouthful – beaming away, telling America to trust him about Sarah Palin. That’s a bridge too far for me, Joe. That’s a bridge to nowhere.