Third Way Dispatch

Yesterday, I posted on the Clemens food fight and wondered what got into the Republicans. Why did they behave like cheerleading baboons, and how could they have possibly read the evidence and concluded Clemens was au natural during his 4 Cy Young run in the “twilight of his career?” I surmised that perhaps that years of defending Alberto Gonzalez, WMDs, yellow cake in Niger, and Abu Ghraib had permanently distorted their ability discern truth from lies – even when the witness repeatedly used phrases like “misheard” and “misremembered” to explain away 60’ 6”-sized holes in his story.

Now we have an explanation and it’s even worse than I thought. Mark Souder, who is now my favorite Republican from Indiana, spilled the beans. In a moment of refreshing candor, he admitted that he and Tom Davis were the only GOPers to have read the sworn depositions. And then (slapping my forehead with my palm) I realized how stupid I was. If they’re not going to read the National Intelligence Estimate or the 9/11 Commission Report – something that could save or cost the lives of, oh, sentient life on planet earth, how could we expect them to do their homework in preparation for this 4 ½ hour, nationally televised clown-a-thon? Especially when there are no pictures. Well, we can’t can we?

Lanny Breuer and Rusty Hardin had it figured out. Just visit the offices. Sign a couple of balls. Drop a few Bush bombs. Wave a few shiny objects to distract them. And – snap! – we’re mired in an unwinnable and unconscionable conflict in the Middle East … Ooops, I mean we let another 9-figure cheat off the hook.

Shame on Brian McNamee’s lawyers for not preparing their witness. “Brian, realize that half of those buffoons have not read boo of the sworn testimony. And that cranky old feller over there – Burton – rumor says the last book he read began ‘I am Sam. Sam I am.’” Although, what good would it have done really? The fix was in.

Well, it’s February 14th and pitchers and catchers are due to report. Hope springs eternal. Can’t say I feel too good about the Congress though.

I have to admit, I was dumfounded – at first – by the Roger Clemens hearing. It wasn’t the nanny issue and the Jose Canseco party. It wasn’t the HGH injection for Madame Clemens for the SI swimsuit edition (note to self: get HGH for 20 year grad school reunion in May.). No, it was the unexpected partisan breakdown. I mean, this looked like the Alito hearings. The Republicans were with the Rocket; Democrats were against him. The Republicans thought Roger was telling the truth; Democrats thought he was lying.

But more than that – Republicans were like groupies trying to get an autographed ball. They were holding up pictures, asking him what insignia he would wear on his Hall of Fame plaque (how about $$$?), hell – they were fawning over him. It didn’t matter that everyone else McNamee fingered in the Mitchell report fessed up. Never mind that Mrs. Rocket admitted to using HGH. Never mind that Andy Pettitte said Clemens spoke to him about juicing. The Republicans circled the wagons around Roger like he was Alberto Gonzalez.

Think back for a moment to the days after 9-11, to the range of emotions we all felt: horror, sadness, anger, frustration. But we felt other things as well: determination and patriotism. We were resolved as a nation that no band of two-bit thugs was going to attack this country and murder Americans without us damn well doing something about it.

Now, imagine that you were specifically asked to do something about it and were told that your actions would hold the lives of innocent Americans in the balance. Imagine that you were Mary Smith, a senior executive of a telephone company and that an FBI agent came to you with a letter that asked for your help in tracking down terrorists. The letter assured you that the President and the Attorney General certified that what they were asking you to do was legal. Imagine that the FBI made it clear that if you failed to cooperate, Americans could die.

What would you do? Do you assist the government based on their representations that the help was both legal and urgently needed, or do you decline and risk the consequences?